my very own edward.

I got an email today from someone in my past. I won't go into details but it was something that until about nine months ago I had hoped and prayed for every single night. What made me stop praying for it nine months ago? This man right here. He made me realize that sitting there hoping that my past would change and trying to change myself for someone isn't worth the time and energy it takes. He made me realize that I am fantastic and if someone can't see that from the moment they meet me then they aren't worth my time. He saw me for my true self, he made me feel comfortable with being me. I spent five years trying to be what someone else wanted and I was sometimes happy and sometimes I was heartbreakingly (this word is in the dictionary of lauren) sad. It's crazy how one person can change your whole outlook on life. I have not been as happy as I have been in the past nine months in a VERY VERY LONG time.

He helped me realize you can't spend time sitting around wishing things had gone differently. You just have to take your life one step at a time and react to the things that happen. He went through some tough stuff and I am amazed at how quickly he bounced back from it because I know had those things happened to me I would still be in my room with a pint of ice cream listening to sad music and watchign the notebook on repeat. But no not him, he mourned, and then got right back on the horse of life and carried on. He doesn't dwell on what happened he just learned from it and looked at it as another lesson learned. I admire that quality in him...I tend to dwell on things and I'm hoping the more time I spend with him the better I get at just living life.

So after saying all this I feel it is only right to upgrade him from a simple letter to his name. So I introduce Edward (formally known as E) to my blog. He is a fantastic human being and does everything he can for me. I have never felt so comfortable, relaxed, or special while being around another person. I never felt this much love for me in past realtionships. I was talking with my sister and she had it right when she said " you connect on a totally different level than you did with [him] (that would be the ex). you guys really really love eachother and you can feel it and see it whenever we're around you." that's all I ever hoped for and I have finally found that. So as he lays next to me in bed snoring away all I can do is just look at him and say "Edward, I love you. Thank you for saving me."

Here's a little Explosions in the Sky for all of you as well. This makes me smile and since I'm already talking about something that makes me smile I figure hey lets just keep on with the trend.